US Trip Highlights

Being back on the blogger dashboard feels good...I've been away too long.  Not because of some writers' block, or anything like that.  If anything, it's the opposite- I am quite overflowing with things to write.  It's finding the time, or, in my case, making the time. 

Today marks 4 weeks since our return from the US.   

The Trip. Was unforgettable and indescribable.  In fact, it is so hard to put into words everything that transpired that I won't even try.  I almost feel like I need to get this post behind me. Because if I don't write out this condensed version I'll give into myself and write about it for months and, let's be honest, ain't nobody got time for that.

There were times during The Trip when I thought, "I should really be writing this down".  Originally,  I'd had the intention journaling my experiences as a TCK during our time in the States,  but for some reason, I stopped myself.  I guess I needed to rest.  To coast.  To drift and not sort out or try to make sense of the things we were seeing, experiencing and living.  It was all there, and the people I wanted to share it with the most were there, too.  It was exactly what we needed; the answer to a multitude of prayers.

All my Christmases came at once.

Some highlights...

• Seeing our family in Louisiana had to be the best part of the trip.  It was a dream come true to combine both my worlds for 2 weeks and have my children and husband meet everyone.  The last time we saw family was 10 years ago, when Nate was an infant.  It was definitely good to reconnect.  We  made memories and now my kids can say things like, "You looked like Aunt Shelly just now when you said that" or "Grandpa's brothers look just like him".
• Spending time with my brother, sister-in-law, and their family.  Also spending time with my sister and her family.   Words can't describe how much I needed that! 
•  Seeing old friends and making new ones in Louisiana, Arizona, Minnesota and Sioux Falls.  I am so humbled by the love, hospitality and generosity of God's people. 
• Seeing my friend Sara and getting to know her family.  They graciously hosted us in Arizona for about 6 weeks.  I'm sure it wasn't always easy, but they were great examples of Christian hospitality.  
•  Seeing church family in Louisiana.  Darrell and Tracy...Paw Paw Lloyd and Maw Maw Jane...the Marquette girls, the Pilleys, Donna, Lisa, Steve...the list goes on and on! 
• Shelly!  Hanging out with my best girl and her family was amazing! 
• Spending time with the Terrys and the Bayers.  I finally got to meet Sandy Bayer!

Of course, it would have been nice if I had pictures to go with the highlights, but I'm just not organized enough at the moment.  

The Trip wasn't just a vacation, it was medicine.  We are so grateful God provided a way for us.  We are so grateful to our family and friends who gave so that we could visit. 

We are humbled and amazed. 

Ministry Update

First of all, thank you for your prayers over the past few months.  Many of you knew that we were in a time of transition in our ministry.  After pastoring in Darkhan for the past 5 years God began leading us to hand the churches over to the leaders He had brought up and prepared for the job.  This all really came about this past spring and although we didn’t know what the next step would be for us, we prayerfully let go of the reigns of leadership first in our Ulaan Baatar Church then in the Darkhan Church.  

THE NEWS

Almost simultaneously with that decision, we were contacted by a friend who was soon to be transitioning out of his position as Ministry Director for AMONG Mongolia.  He is American and he told us that the board was looking to hire a Mongolian for his job.  He thought that Hetee should apply for the position. 

We had worked with Eagle TV and AMONG over the past 4 years or so, doing translations and TV Bible teaching programs for them so we were familiar with their ministry.  Hetee applied and met with 2 board members who happened to be in the country.  After that initial meeting and a skype conference call with 3 other board members in the US, they invited him to come to Sioux Falls, South Dakota for a time to get to know each other.  After a series of meetings, they offered Hetee the job and he accepted!

Hetee’s job will consist of leading a staff team of about 45 in translating and producing Christian television shows and Bible teachings and classes for television, specifically for Eagle TV, which is viewed in all parts of the country.  We are excited about this next step in Ministry as it takes us to a place of impacting the whole nation of Mongolia for the Kingdom of God.  

THE PLAN

Moving the family to Ulaan Baatar was not an easy decision.  UB is notorious for its heavy traffic and air pollution, especially during the winter months.   Over the next 8 weeks Hetee will be commuting to and from Ulaan Baatar for work as part of a phasing in approach to the new job.  Around mid November, we plan to go to the USA, as a family, for a time of rest and then fundraising.  Most of our time will be spent in Arizona and South Dakota.  We would love to see all of our supporters and family in Louisiana and we are praying to make it all the way there.  Our family’s move to UB will probably take place in early February of 2013. 

If you would like to send a one-time gift or make a commitment to support us financially in this new phase in ministry, please contact us at ihetee@yahoo.com or   melaniekocke@gmail.com  and we’ll let you know what to do. 

                Blessings,

Hetee and Melanie

Interview

About 3 months ago I was contacted by a German woman who works with a group at a university in Berlin doing research for a book soon to be published about international families.  They asked if they could interview me and I said "sure!". 

I thought it would be fun to post the interview here on my blog, for our friends to see.  I'm sorry it took so long to get to this.  It was around that time that I discovered Pinterest we moved across town and things got really busy.  (Both versions are true.)

1. What do you think is most challenging being a mom/dad in modern times?
I think that at this time in Mongolia and in many other places in the world, the economy is not very good so both parents are forced to work.  Even mothers with very young children are forced to leave them to the care of others while they work hard to help provide for their family’s needs.  IMO it is hard --nearly impossible to parent effectively while working a fulltime job.  Those moms that are stay-at-home moms, who raise their children themselves and don’t rely on daycare are rare but the children tend to be happier and a lot better trained. 

2. Could you tell me something about your birth experiences? Did you have a natural birth?   

My oldest son was born in hospital in the capital city, Ulaan  Baatar.  The soviet style hospital and harshness of the doctors made me feel very strongly about not birthing in a Mongolian hospital again.  At that time I didn’t know much about homebirth but over the months following my son’s birth I began reading more and more about it.  When I became pregnant with our second child, my husband (who is Mongolian) and I sat in a Bradley Birth class (I would strongly recommend this to all expecting couples!) and decided that we would have a homebirth.  Since that first home birth we have had 2 more babies and one miscarriage, all at home with no medical care or intervention.  It can be done!

3. What do you wish for your kids? What kind of personalities do you want them to be?

I want my 4 kids to develop the personality they were born with.  They all differ from one another and have their own special identity.  I want to cultivate it and help them develop other good characteristics such as, being loyal, honest, friendly, hardworking, obedient and respectful to others. 

4. How would you define your parenting style? Are you strict, more relaxed...?   

I think I am relaxed compared to say, my previous generation but when compared to my peers I am probably more strict.  But once my kids know the rules and everything is clear and set, then we can all relax and have a lot of fun.

5. What do you think is a good father/ a good mother?  

I believe that a good mother/father is one who knows their weaknesses but is not a victim to them.  We must always try to rise above our struggles in order to be a good example for our children.  I also think that a good mother is womanly and teaches her daughters how to be a woman of grace and teaches her sons how to respect and care for  the women in their lives.  A good father teaches his boys to love their mother and respect her, through his own conduct.  He teaches his daughters what they should expect from a man.  He protects and cares for his children, not just with material things but emotionally as well.  And he doesn’t always have to have everything figured out. =)  

6. Are you happy with the day care system and schooling in your country?

We’ve never relied on the daycare system in Mongolia.  All our babies are kept at home where am the primary caregiver.  This kind of lifestyle is not common here but it is catching on and we now have many friends who choose not to send their kids to daycare and make the necessary lifestyle changes to support their decision.  Our 2 oldest children went to Mongolian schools off and on but we encountered many frustrations with the school system.  Many of the teachers were educated during communism or under the still-present communist system.  We just weren’t compatible with that.  We are a happy homeschooling family now.  It’s not always easy but we manage. 

7. How important is it for you to experience nature with your kids?

I am not a nature person, really but living in Mongolia, it’s practically impossible to “miss” nature, as it’s all around us!  Everywhere we go there’s the vast steppe, full of huge herds of horses, camels, yak , sheep and goats roaming about.  The big, blue sky is ever present and we enjoy picnics by the river all throughout the summer. 

8. Do you think that being a teenager (you probably know some of them:-) is a troubling time? If yes, why?  

I’m not an expert but I tend to think that it’s because teenagers struggle to find their own identity apart from their parents but they still haven’t decided what to throw out and what to take along into adulthood.  If the parents are diligent in their teaching and discipline, however, teenagers can feel more secure and open with their parents during this time of maturing.  And even if they do stray for a while, they will have a good foundation to fall back upon. 

9. What do you think: Does the culture/country you are living in have a friendly attitude towards kids?   

Most Mongolian would say they love children but still, the country has a very high abortion rate.  The main atmosphere here is one of “children are a bother”, and sadly, children often get pushed onto someone else to be raised and cared for.  Of course, this is not the case in every home.  There are many wonderful, loving Mongolian families.  But it’s so sad to see that children abandoned by their parents as they seek a “better” life (usually through a high paying job away from their family or even in another country) becoming the norm. 

10.What could be done to improve the situation for children?  

I think that Jesus is the only solution.  When parents get to know the Heavenly Father and His Word it gives us and our children hope in a dark world of child abuse, sex trafficking and many other horrors children often face. 

11. What kind of experiences do you have being a parent in another culture? 

I think it just depends on who I’m dealing with, like if it’s someone from church or relatives it’s usually very fulfilling.  For the most part I have the unique opportunity to teach and encourage other young mothers who are struggling with parenting issues.  But some days can be hard, especially dealing with nosy taxi drivers or strangers staring at us in the street.  They all have something to say and usually it’s not very tactful.

12. What values did your parents teach you? What are your memories of your childhood?  

I think that the main value my parents taught me was to be bold and not follow the crowd.  Because they homeschooled me for more than 10 years, they also taught me I was worth the investment of time.  This did volumes for my confidence, especially in trying times.  I know my parents love me because I know how big a commitment homeschooling is.  Their guidance has brought me to where I am today. 

My memories of my childhood…there are so many!  We lived several years in Mexico and so this has influenced me so much.  My fondest memories are of traveling to and  from Mexico, the anticipation of seeing friends and relatives, and the time spent with my family in our big diesel truck! 

Miracle Parenting

Three weeks ago we began teaching our parenting class, Miracle Parenting (By Phil and Cynthia Phillips) at my mom and dad's church here in Darkhan.  We are teaching it in 4 Sunday sessions and, as always we are just as blessed and challenged as those who are attending the classes.  Mongolian churches are full of young families and the need for biblical teaching in the area of parenting is so great.  

When we first discovered this course we were in such a need of biblical direction regarding parenting our then 1 year old strong-willed oldest son.  There were times we had no idea what to do and many nights I would go to bed in tears, crying out to God for help.  

The Miracle Parenting course is not called "Miracle Parenting" because it teaches some magical, miracle formula to raise kids successfully.  What it does teach are biblical truths and precepts, delivering the message that God's way of discipling and training our children should be our number one concern in this life, after only our own relationship with Him.  It teaches parents that in order to get an accurate picture of the Creator's masterpiece, that is our families, we need to have His vision for our children's lives.  

This is where the miracle part comes in.  So many families are lost in the darkness and lies of society and they need to return to the truth of what is normal.  For them, seeing their children and their marriages through the eyes of their creator can seem like an impossibility.  It is such a joy to reach out to them and see God move in their families.  

I Was Born This Way

Yesterday and today the kids have been spending time with their daddy, making paper planes from instructions and patterns he found on the internet.  Today as, as they all sat around the table working on their planes, the conversation turned to the topic of talents and gifts that God has put in us.

Now,  I don't know about other Christian families out there, but whenever WE have any serious conversation about anything remotely pertaining to the spiritual in our home, you can be sure that the seriousness won't last long.  It's just a matter of time until someone says something hilarious and all the seriousness is gone, just like that.

People will fart.

Snot will roll.

Threats will be made, you can be sure of it.

Indeed, we are so full of the joy of the Lord we sometimes find it hard to breathe. 

So today,  in an effort to help us appreciate the talents in one another, I asked the children what they thought their dad's talents were.  Their answers were pretty right on--

"He's good at helping people"

"He can do hard things"

Then Abi piped in,  "He takes risks!"

Wait a minute?  He takes risks?  None of us really understood what she meant, even after she explained it 2 times.  Nate rolled his eyes and said in Mongolian, "Abi's speaking left-hand."

Then we moved on to Nate.  According to us, his talents are making people feel at ease, making them laugh and smile, and planning things.  He's a great planner and helps me out a lot in this area, since planning ahead is not my strong suit.

Then Kenny mentioned the fact that Nate helps people fly.

"Hm", I thought.  Interesting insights.  Maybe even prophetic.  It even gave me goosebumps until the real truth came out.

"Once, Nate kicked me SO hard I didn't touch the ground for a lot of seconds!"  If you know Kenny, you know exactly what that sentence sounded like. 

Well, that makes sense.  And it does require talent.

We concluded that Abi's talent is making and keeping friends.  She does not have many that she calls close friends but to those who are she is fiercely loyal.  She is always thinking of ways to make them feel special.

And animals.  She loves animals. As we speak, there is a baby pigeon in a box on our balcony, waiting to finish growing in his feathers so he can fly away.  He has to fly away.  He. Has. To. 

According to Kenny, his number 1 talent is burping on demand.  His next talent would be telling those around him, "I love you" 50 million times a day.  He's such a cuddly teddy bear, that boy.  He just makes people feel good. 

When I asked what they thought Eva's talents were I was met with protests and looks of, well, horror.

"Talent?!  What talent?  The only thing she's good at is being grumpy and bossing us around!"  Nate said, in that exasperated, dramatic voice10 year-old boys use.

But after some silence and a little chat about how none of us is perfect yet God still uses us, we decided that Eva is just really good at organizing.  We also decided she wasn't bossing people around; she was just displaying her leadership skills.  It's all in how you look at it.

According to Abi, my talents are being a good mommy and making people happy.

Kenny said, "Mommy, you're really, really good at putting people to bed."  I assume by that he means himself and his siblings.  I really don't go around reading to people and tucking them in at night. 

What are some of your talents?  We all want to know!

Update in Photos

So, summer is here and with its arrival all semblance of order and routine have disappeared out the window.  Our plans for schooling all summer got a bit upset because of our move to a different apartment.  The Move took a lot longer than we thought it would.  BUT during out time off from desk work we have read a few good books, including a great children's version of Robinson Crusoe and a few of the Boxcar Children books.  The kids are still learning and are up to all sorts of interesting things, from baking cookies to catching tadpoles. Just not in the same context, of course. =) 

On June first we had our first outing to the river.  Since Eva spent most of last summer sick, it was a new experience for her.  She was happy running around free like the wild thing that she is.

In June we also welcomed these 2 twin girls into our church and into our lives.  

Last Sunday about 70 of the church members went out to the river for baptisms.  Twelve people were baptized, including our oldest son Nate.  I had mixed feelings about his decision to be baptized at such a young age but that's another blog post.  In the end, it was a good thing.  Hetee was there, and baptized his son.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  

Today!  At the stadium, enjoying the Naadam festivities...

We missed the horse races but just as we pulled up to the stadium to watch the wrestling, we saw this racehorse and his boy.  We asked if he would mind posing with the kids.  Come to find out, he had won the races!  He and this horse were the race champs! 

My hubby and his Naadam huushuur.  He waited all year, poor guy. 

Found this handsome little fella peeking at me from behind his hat...

Mmm, free cotton candy from our friend... Thanks, Enkhee! 

I thought I'd finish up my little post with a picture of these church cuties.   

Left to right we have Mergen, Ariun-Solongo, Eva, Uchka, Kenny and Javkhlan.  

The One Where I Can't Teach My Own Kid English

Last night we had a pretty comical game of Go Fish.  We were trying to get Eva to play and speak in English.  Nate and Abi had played with me and my English students before and they had seen how I have used the game to teach basic English phrases.  We all thought it would do the trick to get Eva talking to us in English. 

We were wrong. 

Now that's she's 2 and a half, it obvious that Mongolian, NOT English, is her strong language.  It's pretty amusing for the rest of us, especially since the older 3 have English as their strong language.  And I do, too, obviously. 

We do ok, though.  We probably switch back and forth from one language to another a lot more since Eva started talking.  She understands English pretty well, but sometimes she gets extra toddleresque when we use too much English.  

And that's understandable.  Language is linked strongly to feelings and that's why we like to let our kids speak in any language they want, regardless of who we are with.   The only problem is that when I'm tired, my brain doesn't do the language thing very well.  So at times when Eva is feeling particularly chatty and I need a break, I send her to the other Mongol in the house: her daddy.  He doesn't mind.  He's happy for the Mongolian-speaking company.

So, back to the game...for the tenth time I say slowly, "Eva, say, 'Nate do you have a frog?'"

She ponders.

She furrows her eyebrow.

She almost gives up.

Then she says, "Ummmmm. Nate, chamd frog baigam uu?"

Close enough.